Raising Boys
This post has been on my heart for a few weeks now, but then I forgot how crazy the fall is! I was wondering how I could spend a week alone in my house to just breath, clean, write blog posts, do hours of uninterrupted yoga, take a bubble bath in our master bath that has not been used once in the 4 years since we lived in this house, blast my dance music and read quietly in our new chairs. Then I remembered that I choose to homeschool our boys, and that my vocation is marriage and family. Yet, the Lord is so good and will give me small quiet windows of opportunities like this morning nap as the little one is sleeping and I see my 2 older boys raking the leaves and having a picnic in the backyard after doing their lessons this morning, (hurry this will not last long!). Anyway, raising these boys. I just want to remember the good stuff. What a joy it is to watch their friendship together. I just want to remember the sweet moments, “Mommy, you look so pretty today!” (when I haven’t yet looked in the mirror and am feeling gross) “Can we have a brother sleepover?” (when I purposely separated their rooms to give them alone space & they beg to share a room) “Let’s pray for the whole world!” (when I forgot to pray and am caught up in my own mess). I don’t want to forget how they secretly pack their superhero costumes to co-op, help hand out the rosaries at night, and make brother clubhouses. I don’t want to forget that when I yelled out “to get off the mulch!,” they were kissing our Mary statue. Why is it so easy to get caught up in our own business and tasks to forget how cute our own kids are? Why are we so selfish? The good Lord knows. As we struggle, they say to remember the good and the bad. To give yourself grace. To seek out wisdom. That parenting will never be perfect, and is not supposed to be perfect, (otherwise, how will it sanctify?).
Some things I’m trying to do while raising boys:
Remind myself that I am weak. I make mistakes, I have sins, so will my kids. Do I learn more from my successes or my failures? So will they.
Learn, learn, learn from others, and constantly seek guidance from other moms, books & podcasts. Some recent favorites:
Defending Boyhood: How Building Forts, Reading Stories, Playing Ball & Praying to God Can Change the World by Anthony Esolen
Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men by Dr. Meg Meeker
Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson
Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber & Elaine Maylish
Mother & Son: The Respect Effect by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs
Remind myself their goal is heaven and sainthood. Everything else is gravy.
Show them examples of holy men.
Call out their identify as a son of God. Tell them they are strong, loved, chosen little men.
Build & foster their friendship together. Plant the seeds, “You are each other’s best friends!” “You are each other’s protectors!” Great ideas for sibling relationships on this podcast.
Pray more. Pray specifically for each son. Be specific in telling the Lord my worries and concerns about the boys and ask Him for specific intervention. (I remember a few years ago I was really worrying about connecting with our second son, and once I finally took it to honest prayer, it was almost instantly better!)
Look at pictures of them on my phone instead of looking at other people’s on social media.
Work on respecting their dad! Especially in front of them. If he is their first example of manhood, I need to uphold his manhood!
Schedule 1:1 mom/dad dates with each kid. I’ve heard this recommended SO many times to help build our personal relationships & even remember my parents doing this with us (there were 8 of us so even possible in bigger families!) Our kids are young so we just started, and it was very simple, getting an ice cream at McDonalds and stopping at adoration with just one kid & I. (shout out to my holy half ladies ;)
I remember asking a respected veteran boy mom what she most wanted for her kids, “I want them to hear the voice of God in their lives.” Wow. That stuck with me. Lord help us to keep our eyes on you as we parent the little men you have placed in our lives! Help us to remember the small, little, insignificant things are BIG things in your eyes. Help us to seek out wisdom in the right places, and to put our trust in YOU!!! Pray for all the moms out there raising (loud, dirty, fierce, holy) boys.
