"He opened in secret." On Knowing Your Spouse

Christmas 2021 - 11th Christmas Together

I started this post last Christmas after witnessing my husband react completely differently than me to opening gifts! We usually don't get each other much specifically for Christmas, since we do gifts throughout the year and are already spending so much on the kids ;) but I had a few special gifts the boys helped me pick out from a local sports store. My vision in my head was that we would all gather around while Daddy excitedly opened the gifts! (LOL - MY VISION likely of how I would react!)

I was sitting on the couch across from him handing out the boys gifts, and as I looked over to Nick he had already opened the gift! I immediately became upset and unfortunately reacted, “You opened without telling us!?” “We wanted to watch you open it!”

Then, I saw the look on his face. Through my fault of quick reactions, I wished I could take that back and save the embarrassment in front of the boys. But with Nick’s humility - he looked over gently, “I like to just open it myself. My dad never made a big deal either.”

It was in that moment, God reminded me of his gift of humility. Of course we have opposite temperaments - I’m the extravert, “look at me!” in the room, and he’s the introvert, “let’s have a nice personal conversation out of spotlight.” and so much of marriage has been me coming to understand and accept this - and namely - LEARN FROM IT.

To see the differences as the BEAUTY of marriage. The things unique to your husband - that you might become annoyed with - because they are opposite of you! To see those things as GIFTS.

For my husband - he doesn’t need others watching to prove anything, or to accept a gift more thankfully. He doesn’t need that approval of others I think come with a fault of my own personality. It’s NOT about changing each other! It’s about learning from each other, and witnessing the beauty in those differences.

Last Christmas, when he opened his gifts in secret - God taught me a profound lesson.

“Pray in secret, as your Heavenly Father sees all things.” He used my husband to challenge my own desire for fame, attention, popularity…for what does ANYTHING matter in the spotlight!? Does God not see all? Does he not command us to pray in secret, and dedicate our deeds to HIM? Yes.

While I will keep shining my light in the ways God is calling me as an extravert (never compare, and always find out your unique calling!) I will be humbled and will pray to learn from my spouse.

I will challenge all married couples to think about those things that are so different from you about your spouse, and to pray what God is teaching you in those moments.

Think about how I got annoyed when my “opened in secret,” and how THAT actually became my biggest lesson.

Your spouse is a GIFT from God, and knowing his temperament, and learning his personality is an absolute necessity to growing in love, and getting to heaven. Embrace those annoyances and watch them turn into your greatest blessings! It will bless YOU and your children and the world.

What are the differences you know about your spouse? How do they challenge and transform you?

Thank you, Nick, for the humble man you are! May I always continue to learn from you.

Love, Alex