Dating Your Spouse

March 24, 2022

Last night my husband and I rushed the four boys to sleep (at least in their beds ;) by 8pm and rushed into the car as our amazing babysitter arrived. (We saw the new Batman - LOVED it & my review on that here!)

For the past year, we’ve made Wednesday night our date-night and it has been one of the BEST THINGS for our marriage! Over 10 years married and 4 kids later, we’ve always been good about keeping dates a priority (in part because I always saw my parents do this with their own 8 kids & it was ingrained in me as something to do in marriage!). We’ve done monthly, weekly, weekends - our usual lately is a local Italian restaurant, Anthony’s, from 8-10pm where I get a Sangria and he gets some dinner food. We catch up about our days in a new environment away from the home distractions. I SEE my husband - getting to really focus on him catch up in a way that’s different from our daily grind. I always come away from the table with a renewed love and appreciation. I know this sounds like quite a privilege (so many can’t find a babysitter or afford out of the the house dates) but I never want to stop sharing about how this experience has helped me - in the hopes that others can make it work the best way for THEM. I honestly believe (especially in a season of little kids) that these out of the house dates are so refreshing and necessary. Maybe it’s every month? Maybe work harder to find a babysitter? Maybe try lunch dates or breakfast dates?

I’d want moms of little kids to try extra hard to date their spouse - when they are in those exhausting years with little kids and parenting starts to feel like a passing ship. There’s just been such a difference for me as the wife to have that 1:1 time out of the house with him, dress up for him, have a fancy cocktail, take a memorable picture - or just have those uninterrupted conversations. Remember, you are not alone - ALL marriage are under attack! The devil targets marriages trying to pour their heart and soul into their families…and I honestly believe this is an INCREDIBLE way to combat that!!!

I’ll honestly admit - dating my spouse has transformed and anchored my marriage. We come home reunited through the rest of the week with a team focus for our marriage! It can be over dinner, a walk, a movie, a drink at a bar (the other week we sat for an hour at PJs and all we paid for was a beer and watched basketball and had an AMAZING time!)

Lesson: I will preface to say there’s been many times I’ve failed on a date night: namely because of my lack of emotional preparation. I’ll explain. If it’s a day where I’ve been with the kids so long I’ve barely looked in the mirror and my prayer time is so lacking - by the time 8pm hits and I get in the car, I feel even more overwhelmed! What I’ve learned is that I NEED to take at least 10-15 in the bathroom alone getting ready. I’m not one to wear makeup so this doesn’t come natural to me ;) but when I take that small time to prepare physically, emotionally and spiritually for our date - things so SO MUCH SMOOTHER! (Yes, women can be complicated and high-maintenance at times ;) but remember God made us this way to be better able to be in tune with others! It’s ok to take care of yourself and prepare first :)

Lesson: MARK IT ON THE CALENDAR! Always have an upcoming date on the calendar. If its a month away or a weekend away, if you have to bring a baby…however it works for you - make it work :)

Dear Nick,

Thank you for dating me all these years. Thank you for waiting for me to be ready, for thinking of creative ideas, for budgeting for dates and for choosing me every time. I pray all marriages are blessed with many dates to come.

Love, Alex