Confession During Corona
As a cradle Catholic, a sacramental life comes natural to me. Daily mass when possible, Sunday mass always, and confession when needed; they are a standard priority of our family life. These precious sacraments are like a lifeline of God’s grace made available. Currently a mile down the road, I could open the door to our good shepherds leading on earth and our fellow parishioners finding the same path. I would like to think by my third decade of practice, my heart is always prepared to receive them, and a thankful smile is my instinctive response. Yet, us humans are fickle creatures. The nature of ingratitude must be consciously fought. And for me, it took this pandemic to shake me from my sleep.
Two weeks ago, the recommendation of “watching mass in the living room,” was actually appealing. Not having to shush the toddler for 60 minutes, or having to pack kids church bags felt like some sort of acceptable break. “Now we will stream the daily sermons, listen to the popes addresses, do family stations of the cross - it feels like a more Catholic time than ever!” Then a week went by. We would watch through the screen as the priest dispensed of communion, and I would feel my mouth reflexively open, to an invisible host I couldn’t receive. The ache. How real it became. Lord, how did I come to take your presence in the Eucharist so easily for granted?
I must get to confession, I thought. Thankfully, it was available last Wednesday evening. I pulled into the bare parking lot and stood my length in the short distanced line. “Dear Father, it has been a few weeks, maybe months since my last confession, and these are my sins…” I poured out my heart and within a few minutes the priest granted me my absolution and a three Hail Mary penance I took the most seriously in years. Tears rolling through a cracked voice, I promised the Lord, I will not to take You for granted, and I will spread the message of your mercy in confession!
We are all wishing things were different in our world right now, and we could go back to the cancelled plans we had made. Yet, we are where we are, and although “you cannot control the circumstances, you can control your response to them.” What is our response as people of faith? Do we recognize the restlessness of the world, and will we wake ourselves up along with the others around us? Will we remember the wisdom of our brother St. Augustine, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in thee,”? For me, it began with receiving confession, and sharing my story with you. During this time we will never forget, it will continue to be a story of grace. I pray you have the opportunity to do the same, if it is available wherever you are :) (usually confession is offered at Catholic churches on Saturday mornings or afternoons. My husband and I take turns staying home with the kids to go). You won’t regret it, and it will be your story to tell. If not the sacrament of confession, I pray you pay attention to whatever story God is writing in your life, and those confessions of grace you will have to share. “With courage, dear heart, keep on!”