My Hospital Retreat
February 7-February 10th, 2024
It’s been almost 2 years since I posted on my blog! WOW. Well, life has obviously been very full - had my 5th baby boy, Blaise Joseph, (need to post his birth story next! which happened in the same hospital I’m sitting at alone in!) been pouring into my Instagram page with mom posts and tips, homeschooling the boys, dating my amazing husband and living life. But one of my goals this year is to write on here more, I miss it so much.
I asked God to give me a silent retreat this month, I started looking at some options one of my girlfriends told me about a retreat center close by I was looking up dates. Nothing seemed to make sense but I kept it on the goal list. Well, here I’m sitting in a quiet room for the past 2.5 days on a forced silent retreat - that ended up being what my body (and mind and soul) needed even more - God always knows.
It’s a very long story - but months ago, maybe a few months after Blaise was born, I noticed some unhealthy changes in my health. (I’ve decided not to share the exact details yet as I’m still processing) but the main points I want to share remain the same: they were alarming and abnormal signs that I mostly ignored! Looking back I am in such shame! As a nurse, I would tell anyone - LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. Take care of yourself! If something isn’t working right - think of homeostasis as the marker of health - don’t ignore it! We shouldn’t be walking around in pain, or sleep deprived or just not feeling well. If we aren’t sleeping or eating right - we need to address it! So back to the story - by August I was complaining to Nick so much, he helped me get into a doctor and when my labs came back normal I continued to brush it off. I guess I pushed through the next few months (definitely not asymptomatic but dealing with it) and then by the holidays I was in pain again. I can’t believe I let it go. Lesson learned. By last week the pain and other symptoms were so bad that I finally went back for labs and the next morning the doctors called me to head into the ER because my blood counts were so low - hemoglobin of 6! It ended with a few days of hospitalization and an auto-immune diagnosis that I’m determined to fight. Looking back I can see how I didn’t take great care of my health the past year. I thought I was working out and eating fine, but really I wasn’t eliminating stress the best I could and I definitely wasn’t nourishing my body well.
Lessons Learned:
listen to your body. abnormal signs of lethargy, bleeding, anxiety or anything - are a sign that something is off! Don’t put it off! Sometimes it’s an easy fix and sometimes it means more. your body is always working for your good.
identify stress. Stress alone triggers our body into immune responses that leads to disease! Our modern day society is full of new stress triggers we need to be smart and aware of.
Don’t suffer alone. Especially as moms, there is such a temptation to put ourselves last to a detriment. Always reach out when you are in pain or suffering! Community, healing, doctors - we need to use them.
Family is amazing. Beyond blessed with the support of my family through this! My siblings rallied right away - delivering meals to the boys, visiting me in the hospital and sending flowers and texts and prayers etc. my in-laws came to help and my parents prayed. of course friends in the community too which is such a blessing! But I can't help feeling overwhelmed by the blessing of family. I hope to raise our boys to support each other in that same way.
Have faith always. God works everything for our good. Food and cooking is something I have always wanted to be a bigger part of my life and this diagnosis is my sign from God to start. I’ve been blaming myself for this happening, but my sister reassured me: Alex, this isn’t something you caused - it’s the way God made your body to react - take it and learn from it. I know God works good through all of our trails and that is what I’m determined to do!
As I sit in this last hour of silence before my discharge - I pray to return to my life as a new woman. My first stop will be confession and then home to my house of boys that I would do anything to be healthy for! Another post on the blessing of my husband and marriage is surely needed next! But I pray to take this forced silent retreat in thanksgiving for my life and in renewal of mind, body and spirit. Praise God my purse was full of rosaries, prayer books & journals - so I had everything I needed in this hospital room as a pathway to God.
God - thank you for all you do for us and all the unexpected things you throw at us. Help us to unite to you this Lenten season and be in tune through the our bodies what you are speaking to us.
Amen!
ps. if you have an auto-immune disease comment your favorite foods or ways of healing below! praying for you too!